Snowday on Monday

I wish it was summer. There was green grass to be rolled in (and chewed on), leaves to be chased, chipmunks to be watched. Then this white stuff came. And it is really cold on my paws. And I want to go inside now, Human Bean.

The Many Types of No's

There are many types of no's that my human bean gives me. My human bean almost always use the same word, but says it with different vocal pitches and emotions.

Here's a cheat sheet for translating English to Cat with examples from my purrsonal experiences.

         The first degree of no is the "picture-taking-no". This no means that the human bean is more amused than annoyed by whatever the cat is doing. For instance, my human bean is saying no because I might be trying to steal a piece of popcorn. My actions are more cute than mischievous, however. This stage is usually accompanied by the human bean taking pictures.

         The second degree of no is referred to as the "No! Don't-go-in-the-garage!" no. This no is characterized by my human bean being mildly annoyed and me slightly enjoying the human's annoyance in a wicked sort of way.

        
        The "Don't-go-in-the-garage!" no is then followed by third stage of "No! Don't-go-under-the-car! Come here, Danielle!" intensity. In this stage, the human is increasingly annoyed and I'm enjoying myself even more.
        
   The fourth degree of no, the "yelling-no", is usually accompanied by my now angry human bean and my sensitive ear drums. The human bean is thoroughly frustrated and my blood is rushing with adrenaline. This may be caused by the me trying to find out what the top of the curtains look like by climbing up them, making a run for the forbidden basement, etc.

   
  The fifth degree is the "pleading-no", where the intensity level is akin to my human bean realizing that the entire china cabinet is at my mercy. This no is usually pronounced with a begging tone like "Nooooo, Danielle!!!" Just in case you are wondering, this example and the curtain climbing example have not actually happened. Yet.

Revenge of the Birds

Dear Human Bean,

I am writing to you in regards to the unsightly, bird-created messes (I will spare the rest of you of a photo) on your window. I believe I have some explaining to do. You see, I have been observing okay watching a bird with predatory interest in my spare time outside. The bird, I believe, was trying to get revenge on me through its act. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience this has created.

Sincerely,
Your loving cat Danielle

PS I didn't say I was going to stop watching that bird............

The Pitfall of Spring

Don't get me wrong. I love spring. The flowers, the warmth, the birds, (Mmm...) the absence of snow. But when snow melts, it makes water. A lot of water. And it greatly inconveniences me to have to hop over puddles. A cat should not have to be so undignified.

Right now, it's like we have a stream going down the middle of our yard! My human bean should make a boat for me. Or at least pick me up and take me to the other side.



*sigh* I have to do everything for myself.



My Human Bean's Purrformance Review

Review of my Human Bean
Reviewed by Danielle

Ah, the moment of truth has finnally arived! This will be fun.

Quantity of Output: This is an area the human could improve on. It is definitely not daily. I want at least twice a week, human bean. On the bright side, at least this review is posted on time! One paw.

Quality of Output: I am pretty happy with this. My human bean likes to play with different templates for my blog and keep it looking nice. The human bean is good at documenting my activities and adventures. I sure have the flashy beast in my face enough, but it is for the greater good of my adoring public. Or at least my public. Anyhow, I am pleased in general. Three Paws.

Client Pawticipation: Well, I do have my own e-mail adress (it's on the Get to Know Me Page). Three Paws.

Pawticipation part two: I am satisfied. I got to go to quite a few pawties this year, and I got in some contests, too! I hope to have a birthday pawty this year. Four Paws.

Client Satisfaction: They seem to be purrty happy. I get about 10ish comments purr post. Are you, my clients, happy? Four Paws.

Overall Satisfaction:

My human bean was out last night playing with a woofie! Not blogging. Not giving me petting. Not giving me treats. Not being my slave. I do not have enough crabby and unsatisfied words to say about this! The human bean will get quite a few points docked off for this. However, my human bean did not take the woofie home, so that took a fair amount of self-restraint.

The treat levels have been satisfactory. I get tuna juice, Pawty Mix, and chicken broth.Yummeh. In this department, keep it up, Human Bean. One note on the Pawty Mix, though. My human bean was curious about what they tasted like and broke off the tail off of a fish. I don't want to share! Ok, I just HAD to tell that one, human bean. You will get some extra petting and play time as compensation for your embarrassment.

Overall satisfaction: 15 paws.